The Bus Metaphor

The bus metaphor provokes the thought of considering a life in which your experiences do not determine your decisions, instead they find comfort in our minds, like passengers on a bus.

Thinking, Emotions, Impulse, Memories fuel our existence.
These are ways we use to describe personal life experiences.
The bus metaphor provokes the thought of considering a life in which what happens to you does not determine your decisions, but finds comfort in our minds like passengers on a bus.

The Metaphor explained:

The Bus acts as the mind.
The passengers represent different personal life changes.
You drive the bus, while avoiding conflict, and keeping a clear conscious.

When you’re in control of the bus, you’ll make factoring decisions based on speed and the direction of the route. While passengers express opinions and criticism, others sit quietly without complaint.

Impatience snaps: Hurry Up!

Fear bellows: ” Turn here, don’t stop there!”

Self Subversion cries: “Turn around! The bus wont make it through that tunnel”

Depression complains: “Just stop, I need a break.

Mind Over Time

Over the course of time, you foolishly cater to the passenger’s expectations. Like meeting someone new that you get intimate with, a lack of self worth prompts ” if you find someone new you’ll just get ghosted, so forget about it” Adversely, low confidence leads to you making mindless choices that end the partnership.

Conviction, sentiments, memories, and desires, representing the passengers are often in the blind spot. But they cannot actually touch us behind the plexi glass panel. You are always behind the wheel, and they can only be passengers. They can cut you down, with projecting failure, or insults, but they cant change the route or stop the bus.

Their words cut you down, you might shed tears. You may want to stop the bus and kick them off, or look back and argue with them.

However, these reactions will usually end up where you stall, because you’re engaging with conflict.

How Do You Drive The Bus?

Throughout our lives, some of the people on the bus will be forceful, manipulative, or toxic with others. Additionally, when you leave yourself unprotected, these decisions, these thought patterns, these passengers, often times influence the way you handle the bus.

Isolation may highlight an abusive ex, a broken home, one night stands and you’ll think ” I just need someone here next to me for this route” Or even more globally related, Quarantine during Covid-19.

At times you’ll only want the happy, good spirited passengers aboard, so they can nurture your anxiety and doubt with compliments and encouragement. However all good things end, it can be a sucker-punch and invoke a crash.

Passengers, ( again contemplation, feelings, desires, memories, etc ) are an unceasing and perpetual daily occurrence. You can’t be annoyed or irritated by them basically living on the bus, you will find yourself catering to their wants and needs, while being influenced by those persistent interactions.

Remember, you can’t just have the good thoughts, memories, desires ( passengers ) You have to encompass all of this mentality as simply part of the ride itself. Each passenger has a preferred seat, and always say whats on their mind. Regardless their size or persistence, they aren’t qualified to drive the bus. And when personal conflict surfaces, those conflicts never control our true values.

Maybe you forgot your anniversary, and your spouse is upset, these passengers are on your bus;

Self Justification: “lie, cast blame, or deflect”
Guilt: Memories, or past conflict. “You always forget, You don’t really love me”
Avoidance: Distance, “I’m stuck at work, I won’t be home” “Leave a message, text her”
Anxiety: “I don’t know what to get her, I don’t have enough Money”

Passengers like Kindness, Honesty, and Leadership, sit in the back, yet they speak to your values and morals than the other obnoxious and negative riders. As the Bus driver, you must recognize the reactions of defensiveness, guilt, fear, and anxiety, but also listens to these Passengers;

Kindness: “Find an apology, and attempt to make up”
Honesty: “Acknowledge that you forgot”
Leadership: “I forgot, I wont do it again”

I Cant Think With All That Noise

As you’re driving you can approach the situation ( route, street ) fast and reckless, while your amxious riders are screaming at you. Or you can drive responsibly and cautiously as you enact your values with passengers that provided you with Honesty, Accountability, and thoughtfulness.

Obviously the more rambunctious and loud group of riders are hard to ignore. So loud you can’t think straight. You think you’re forgetting your way. But, its not impossible to consider the value of all the passengers, especially the ones in the back and make value-based decisions.

Now I know, It’s easier said than done! I mean, making the right choice during conflict is quite arduous.

Approach the situation by recognizing your emotions, instincts, or memories, try to understand them.

Do they represent responsible interactions, words, physical reactions, or trauma? How do you respond to their expectations?

You might have found some of your own passengers while reading about the Bus Metaphor. The other part is finding a method to separate yourself from the noise of the other people on the Bus so you can hear your favorite regulars in the back. What do you love about your regular passengers? What values do they bring? How have they contributed to your personal life experience?

The Bus Metaphor is sourced from: Follette, V.M. & Pistorello, J. (2007).
Finding Life beyond Trauma: Using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy to Heal from Post-Traumatic Stress and Trauma-Related Problem. New Harbinger Publications, Inc: Oakland, CA.